I can't do it all by myself and I don't want to..

Im getting a hysterectomy on Monday March 21st. I am turning 40 on April 28th. I have struggled with severe female problems my whole life; objectification, rape, molestation, domestic violence, medical establishment bias, systemic degradation and so on, and of course my body hurt for it.

I spent all of my life trying to fix all these problems myself. Feeling that I could only trust myself. I healed myself from many issues and liberated myself from a system that I felt was always trying to enslave me.
I embraced my sexuality without the social barriers, I let my body do what it wanted, like grow hair and eat food, I put down the mascara and picked up the protest sign, I suffered in poverty rather than be on the welfare roll, I put down their books and listened to my own soul tell me what my truth is.

I learned to make my own medicine, grow and forage for my own food, I learned to be my own spiritual advisor and best friend. I strived to do everything on my own. And I healed myself of many hurts.
I went a long, long way all on my own. Even when others were present I was still alone, not allowing them to really help me, only accepting what I knew I could accomplish alone. Not truly depending or trusting anyone.

I was alone. I could survive alone. I could heal myself enough, to keep surviving alone.

I can do it all alone but I don't want to and truly it's not any fun.

Its lonely alone and it's ineffective, it's a lie.
Yep I admit it...
I was wrong!
ya'll got that, time and datestamp
it cause it don't happen often.

I need this surgery and I need a dr to do it for me. I am so lucky and blessed that I have many friends and clients who are medical professionals at the hospital I am having the surgery. They are all
looking out for me. I need them. I need you! I need everyone on this planet to do what they do, to live to love, to make my clothes and grow my medicines. The myth of self reliance is just a distraction, something that kept me busy and separated from the true healing, the truth of oneness, of interdependence.
​We are meant to live in social groups, in tribes and communities, we are meant to share, to help, to care and to heal together. We are meant to hurt, to be sick and to die, we are meant to do All this loving and dying together.
To laugh and love, to heal and learn, to grow and wither all together on the same vine, the same plant, the same water, the same air on this one earth. One family.


I can't do it all myself and I don't want to.

I choose to build my tribe through each relationship I have, the relationships with medical community clients that are now looking after me, the relationships with artisans that I buy my goods from, with farmers who grow my food. We choose how this world is shaped by the relationships we make. Every aspect of my life is dependent on countless people the world over. I consciously choose to build these relationships. To share the world, to share the hopes, dreams and responsibilities of living and dying on this one earth.

Thank you you for all you do. I see you, I honor you and I need you.